Upstage
by written resonance
Summary: Spencer meets Ashley while working on a play. I finally finished the story, and if you look there's definitely a difference in the writing b/w the first and last chapter. Thanks to those who reviewed. It really kept me going. :
1. Chapter 1

"Number 61… number 61" The director shouted across the sea of applicants. "Number 61 are you here!"

"Wait, wait I'm here" I replied a bit timid

"Well then read the line" The director said a bit callously

"Um… okay" Letting out a long breath I tried to relax.

I had been practicing for this part for days and I could only hope that I could maintain the character's motivation. One more breath and I began to read.

"Is this the bus stop?"

"Yes" The director said.

"Thank you" I replied in character.

"Okay. I think you will be fine for passerby number 8. Please be ready for practice tomorrow." The director said, waving me off in order to audition the rest of the chorus.

I squealed a little inside as I walked off of the stage. Okay sure it was two lines, but I Spencer Carlin was going to be in a play. I started to pull out my cell phone when suddenly I got shoved from behind. I stared in silent horror as my phone fell into the orchestra pit.

"Watch it!" snarled the girl who had just hit me.

I wanted to say something rude back, but another voice stopped me.

"Don't mind Ashley she just has this mental problem. She doesn't understand that she's not the most important person in the universe."

I laughed in spite of myself quickly enjoying my conversation with this cute guy.

"I'm Aiden" he said extending his hand.

"Spencer" I said returning his greeting

"And though she's not the most important girl in the universe she probably was on her home planet" I joked.

"Haha, hey you're pretty funny. So what are you trying out for in the show?"

"Oh, well I just got the lead part. The stunning, vivacious, complex character of… passerby number 8." I smiled to show that I was joking. Realizing that he was starting to laugh I hit him in the arm.

"What's so funny" I said mock upset.

"Nothing, nothing that's quite the accomplishment. I'm embarrassed to tell you what I do now" He replied sarcastically.

"Just shut up and tell me" I smiled

"Haha okay, okay. I work the backstage stuff: lighting, sound checks, and anything else you can think of." He said apparently quite proud.

So do you live around here? He asked

"Um yeah I live…"

"Aiden!"

I turned and saw that the command came from none other than Ashley. She stood impatiently with a few other girls.

"Aiden, are you coming?" she repeated.

"Um yeah Ash." He replied a bit annoyed.

As Ashley came closer I must have fallen into her radar because she looked from me to Aiden with a _who is this? _Look.

Not missing a beat I put my hand out, stuck a smile on my face, and said "Hi I'm Spencer Carlin"

"Ashley Davies" she said, simply staring at my hand. As if not enough of an insult she went on.

"And seeing as you are only a part of the chorus I suggest you try and not get in my way."

With that retort she was on her way, while I stood there stunned.

"God what a…"

"It was great meeting you, I'll see you around Spencer" Aiden said as he left trying to catch up with Ashley and her friends.

I stood there assessing this new person. _That Ashley would be so pretty if only she wasn't slightly deranged._ I smiled at the thought and went home.


	2. Chapter 2

_Hi everyone. Thank you so much for those people who reviewed. I appreciate every one and I also want you guys to know that I'll accept constructive criticism as well. This is my first fan fiction and I would love to learn how to write better. This includes everything from plot suggestions to corrections in grammar. Besides that I hope you enjoy the story. –J._

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Chapter 2

Walking outside I wrapped my arms around my chest trying to keep myself warm. I pulled my key out of my pocket and slid into my car. While driving home I couldn't stop myself from thinking about my day

_Hmm that Aiden was really cute. I wonder if he has a girlfriend. I mean he's so nice. Psh but that Ashley chick, what the hell is her problem? I cannot believe the attitude she has. God and she's so pretty too. I would kill to have those abs. And her face, it's so…beautiful. _

Shaking my head of my thoughts I continued to drive home. There was no point in wasting my energy on her. I pulled into the driveway and walked inside.

"Spencer, how were the auditions?" my mother said as she pulled me into a hug.

"Ummph! Fine mom, I actually got a bit part"

"Sweetheart that's great!" she said as I dislodged myself from her bear hug.

"So, Spencer did you get the message I left on your phone?" my mother asked

"Oh shi…oot!" I exclaimed, almost forgetting that my mother was standing in the room.

"What is it honey?"

"Um… nothing… I am just upset that I forgot to check my messages… on my phone… which is where I keep messages… apparently one from you." _God I suck at lying. I can't tell her I lost my phone though, I just got it. Besides I'll just get back it at the next practice._

"O..Kay honey, the message just said that I wasn't going to be around tomorrow morning so you'll have to drive yourself to the playhouse again."

"Alright mom, no problem I don't mind." With that said I rushed up to my room hoping I wouldn't get caught without my phone.

Getting to my room I made sure to give both of my lines a good run through before brushing my teeth and going to sleep.

I only woke up once that night, but it was a strange feeling. I felt as though something big was going to happen to me. Chalking it up a nightmare I turned over and fell asleep, a smile slightly spread across my face.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"_Where is it, where is it? Where the hell is my phone? If mom finds out about this I'll never hear the end of it, I'll be grounded for life. God if you help me find my phone I swear I'll stop sneaking ice cream in the middle of the night."_ As I frantically searched through the orchestra pit for my phone a male cough interrupted my thoughts.

"Ahhheem. Are you looking for this?" Aiden said as he waived my phone in front of me.

"Yes, thank you so much Aiden I was seriously worried I wouldn't be able to find it" I exclaimed as I pulled him into a hug.

"Well with a reward like this I'm hoping you lose it more often." I knew it was corny but I was happy all the same jumping up and kissing him on the cheek. He smiled and rubbed his cheek, I went on.

"How did you find it?"

"Well, I was cleaning a spill down in the orchestra pit and I saw it. Don't worry though I took the liberty of putting my phone number in there." _So cheesy_.

"Thanks Aiden, I'll talk to you later okay I have to go get ready for practice." I walked away still leaving him rubbing his cheek in awe.

_He's still cute, but there's something missing. _I liked having a friend in this new town, but the fact that he liked me so much so soon was a bit of a turn off. _Maybe he's not as crush worthy as I figured._

Then it was déjà vu. Just as I turned the corner I bumped right into the ice princess herself

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Ashley said, getting up and brushing herself off. "Do you just wait until I come around corners to tackle me or something?"

"I…I'm sorry. It was an-."

"A what, an accident." She scoffed. "And let me guess you're sorry, you can't believe this happened again, or no my personal favorite I promise it won't happen again. Well you know what don't make promises you can't keep." With that said she was gone. Before I could even think of a come back move the girl had snubbed me again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Places! Places, people. Everyone in Act 1 please get on stage."

I didn't appear in the play until the third act so I took a seat in the audience. I guess I didn't start a trend though as I was the only one who wanted to see the others rehearse. Grazing my arms across the chair fabric I had small flashbacks of going to the theater when I was younger: getting dressed up with my mother, smelling the crisp aftershave of my father, even being too young to stay awake through the whole play.

I smiled to myself as the lights dimmed down announcing the start of rehearsals.

The play was a student written musical about a girl, Eve, going to a new school where she doesn't quite fit in. Of course she meets the cool popular guy, Jack, who eventually sees what a good person she is and falls madly in love with her to the disappointment of his cool friends. So pretty much it was a musical version of every single teenage movie ever made, but that's what you get when a 16 year old writes it.

I knew that when the curtains opened the play would start off with Eve singing a song. In my excitement I forgot to check the roster of who was playing who.

The curtains opened and the beautiful singing began. _Well even if this play sucks at least the music will be good this girl is amazing. _And then Eve walked on stage.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was Ashley. I almost choked in disbelief. This girl who reeked confidence and sex appeal was on stage singing about being lonely and new. The same girl who shoved me twice and then yelled at me about it. And if only to put the icing on the cake she was good at it.

I rubbed at my eyes continuously. I was in shock.

"She's good don't you think?" Aiden whispered as he sat down next to me.

"Good? She's amazing. Does she do a lot of these plays?"

"Yeah, she's pretty much gotten the lead every year since she was 12.

I was impressed. I tried to stay focused but eventually the rehearsals seemed to drag on. The director was a perfectionist so every scene was practiced at least four times. Everyone gave the same sigh of relief when he finally said the cast could go home for the night.

I began to walk up to the stage when I noticed Ashley coming out of the dressing room with her ipod. She began dancing. _Geez this girl doesn't even take a break. _I wanted to mend the fences and tell her how impressed I was with her performance but she couldn't hear me. I walked up closer to her when she suddenly stuck her leg out, causing me to crash into her, and then causing the both of us to fall on the prop table.

The crash echoed throughout the whole auditorium and the director came out fuming.

"WHAT HAPPENED?" He screamed at us. Pointing his figure he called us over to him.

"You what's your name?" He asked me.

"Um... Spencer Car-"

"Okay Spencer you and Miss Davies are going to stay and clean up this mess. You cannot leave until it is cleaned up."

"But sir" Ashley protested. "It wasn't my fault."

"No excuses. I want this table to look just like it did an hour ago or else you can't leave." With that said he left us standing there.

_Oh this is so not good. _I thought to myself as I turned to face Ashley. I wanted to think of anything that might alleviate her rage, but nothing really came to me.

She didn't say a single word. She simply turned around and looked at me with such anger in her eyes before leaving to get the broom.

_So not good._ I bent down and began to clean up the mess.


	6. Chapter 6

_Hey everyone I just wanted you to know that my story isn't paralleling the show. So in this story Ashley's Dad isn't dead and also I don't think I'm going to use Kyla. Just to vent I was very upset that she came in out of nowhere and hogged up 90 of the show leaving no time for Spashley goodness. Ok I'm done now lol enjoy the story. P.S. Thank you for all of the reviews they really motivate me to work faster. _

Chapter 6

We had been cleaning up the mess for at least an hour, in silence, when she finally spoke. Not to me of course. As if there was any doubt, but I was not on her good side at the moment. She was only answering her phone. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop but my ears easily picked up the sound of Ashley arguing with the caller.

"What! What do you mean you can't come get me? Mom, my car is in the shop how am I supposed to-. No I really don't care how cute he is. You promised you would come get me. Fine whatever go off on your stupid date and I'll just walk home. Bye." Ashley said ending her call.

"Bitch!" she said, while kicking a wall.

I knew that she had been mean to me, but I felt badly all the same.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She didn't answer.

"Are you having problems with your mom?"

She turned toward me, tears now staining the corners of her eyes.

"That's not really any of your business but yeah I am."

"I'm sorry about that"

"Whatever" she grumbled.

We continued working for a couple more minutes in silence and when the last prop was back on the table I gathered up the courage to talk to her.

"Hey Ashley listen I wasn't trying to eavesdrop but if you'd like I'll take you home."

She hesitated for a minute but finally nodded.

We left the theater, got into my car, and started driving. Besides the three worded directions Ashley had been giving me we were sitting in complete silence. Eventually I got sick of it and turned on the CD player. A half finished Queen song began to play through the speakers.

"Hey is this Crazy Little Thing Called Love?" Ashley asked rather quietly.

"Yeah it is. You can change it if you like"

"No." She responded. "This is alright."

A few more minutes of silence passed when she spoke again

"My Dad got me into this stuff."

"Really?" I said "Mine did too."

"Oh." She continued "My Dad is in the music industry so I guess I'm really into music too."

"Yeah? Is he like a producer or something?" I asked glad that she wasn't angry at me anymore.

"No, my Dad is Raiff Davies" she said quite

I knew who Raiff Davies was. I even remember my brother telling me how excited he was to get tickets to his concert next week. But, honestly it didn't seem that important to me. I guess the quiet was starting to bother Ashley though.

"Well?" she asked, looking at me questioningly

"Well what?"

"Aren't you going to start screaming, search me for extra concert tickets, or try to convince me to get him to marry or adopt you?" She asked apparently quite serious.

"No." I said starting to smile at how frustrated she was getting

"Spencer, do you even know who he is?"

"Yeah."

"Well don't you care?"

"Not really." I replied

"Well why not?" she persisted

"Because you're still a bitch" I said while smiling as sweetly as I could at her.

She must have known that I was joking because her lips curled up and she started laughing.

"Here, this one, this is my house." She pointed

When I turned to what she was pointing to my jaw nearly fell out of my mouth. Across from her finger lay a huge mansion surrounded with a perfectly manicured garden. I was so torn, I wanted to be amazed but I couldn't just give up my new attitude of nonchalance.

Ashley sensed my inner struggle and chuckled

"It's okay you can be impressed."

I finally breathed a sign of relief

"It's beautiful."

She got out of the car

"Well thanks for the ride." She walked up the pathway and stopped turning in her heels.

"Would… you like to come in?"

Torn again. I loved that she wasn't being so mean to me anymore and honestly I was having the best time with this new Ashley but...

"I'm sorry Ashley I can't, curfew."

"Oh" she said dejected.

"But," I went on "how about a rain check?"

"Alright" she said a little happier. I put my car into drive and was about to leave when she stopped me.

"Oh and Spencer?"

"Yeah"

"Don't think this changes anything between us." She said, smiling as she turned around and went inside.

This time it was my turn to chuckle knowing that she was joking. At least I hope she was.


	7. Chapter 7

_Hey guys, I just wanted to know that I'm taking those reviews to heart and I tried harder to make the chapters longer. Hopefully this chapter will be good. Also I'm sorry for the long build up but I really want to develop a good relationship with these characters before they start seeing each other romantically. Other then that thank you for the reviews and I hope you enjoy the story. -J._

Chapter 7

After that faithful drive home things between Ashley and I took a turn. I wouldn't say that we sprang into best friends but the next couple of weeks ended up better than the first. She had gotten her car back so I didn't give her any more rides to her house, but we stayed pretty close. I just had to promise to stop crashing into her. I told her I wouldn't make a promise I couldn't keep.

"Hey Ashley" I said as I walked into her dressing room

"Oh hey Spence what's up?"

"The director handed me this set of rewrites and said 'you, give these to Ashley'. And before I had a chance to say that's not my job he left. You know you should be glad I like you now or else these" I said dramatically holding the scripts in the air "would be in the garbage." I smiled handing them over to her

"Aww so you like me now is it" Ashley teased me.

"Hmm did I say like, I meant mildly tolerate."

"Ah, now that makes more sense" She smiled.

I decided to lay myself out on Ashley's couch while she put on some of her make up. Hanging out with her the last few weeks had let me learn a little bit about her. She didn't really like to talk about her parents much but I did learn that her Dad had paid for most of the playhouse, which certainly explained how she got the biggest dressing room in the place.

"So Spencer, I've decided" Ashley said while applying some mascara "that when I get my Oscar… I'll let you polish it."

"Oh, thanks so much Ash. Now will you be winning this trophy or just getting your Dad to buy one for you?" I said while stealing a tube of lip gloss out of her hands.

"I guess we'll see what happens in ten years." She replied while stealing back the lip gloss. She opened up the gloss and placed it on her lips staring into my eyes the whole time. I know it was weird but suddenly my whole body shivered. _What is wrong with me?_ My eyes were still half closed when she woke me up.

"Spencer, Earth to Spencer."

"Hmm what?" I replied in a daze.

"I just asked if you wanted to come to my house tonight. My mom is out tonight and it would be nice to have some company." I was still caught in my moment, but I guess Ashley took my silence as something else.

"Please, Spence we can watch movies, I'll make you dinner." Ashley pleaded with her hands clasped together.

"Oh yeah I'd love to. I have to call my mom first, but I'm sure it will be fine." I replied to the excitement of Ashley.

"Yay!" she replied. "Oh it looks like you have some gloss on the side of your lip Spence."

"Where?" I asked while trying to find it.

"Here." She said while wiping some off. Then she suddenly grabbed both of my cheeks in her hand and squeezed them together giving a fish face. "Aww how cute Spencer."

"I hade you." I replied my best while still being in her grip.

"Aww I know you love me, now c'mon we have practice." She said while walking out of the room.

"Alright I'm coming" I said. Before I left I glanced at the mirror, lightly tracing the place right under my lip where her finger had been. A smile formed on my face as I walked out.

Rehearsals seemed to last forever. We had recently given up using scripts on stage so there was a lot of line fumbling. Overall though, I thought it was going well. With all of the extra time I had not on stage I was able to call my mother who was thrilled I found a friend. And even though it took a half hour of convincing her that she did not have to come meet Ashley's parents she agreed I could go. When rehearsals ended I walked over to the exit to wait for Ashley. I saw her standing in the open doorway waiting for me.

I had to stare. It wasn't just her; it was the way the sunlight was perfectly framing her body leaving a halo crowning her head. _What is going on with me?_ I thought physically shaking my head. _Why am I looking at Ashley this way?_ I started to walk toward her when Aiden stopped me.

"Hey Spencer how's it going?" He asked while leaning on the side of the wall.

"Uh, I'm fine Aiden how are you?" I said while leaning to both sides trying to make sure Ashley was still there.

"Good, good. Listen, Spencer I was wondering if maybe you might want to go out

some-."

"Hey, Aiden can I call you about this later?" I asked after seeing Ashley start to leave.

"Um, sure I guess." He said while I ran out.

I ran down the remainder of the hall and burst my way outside. I forgot how bright it was though and I was slightly blinded by the sunshine.

"Ashley!" I yelled at a silhouette in the distance.

"Oh hey Spencer, I thought you ditched me. C'mon let's go."

We both got into Ashley's car and started driving to her house. For the most part we just talked about random things while flipping through the radio. Suddenly, though I landed on KIIS and Avril Lavigne started singing.

"Hey, hey you you I don't like your girlfriend. No way no way I think you need a new one."

"Oh my God!" Ashley yelled. "Spencer you must be high this music is crap, change it."

"What was that Ash you want me to turn it up louder?" I smiled while increasing the volume.

"Spencer!" She yelled while trying to change the station. "I swear I'll kick you out here."

I swatted at her hand while we were both laughing and started singing along with the music.

"Hey hey you you I could be your girlfriend." I sang at the top of my lungs.

The song ended just as we pulled into Ashley's driveway which was really fortunate since she looked like she was ready to strangle me.

"You are sooooo lucky." She said enunciating every vowel.

"I'm sorry Ashley I'm just so jealous of your girlfriend." I smiled

"You are a dork." She told me while walking to the house.

If I was impressed with the outside of the house then my jaw must have dropped when she opened the doors. Inside, the entryway was lighted by a huge chandelier which accentuated every piece in the room with a golden glow.

"Spencer do you mind? You are drooling on my floor." Ashley giggled. "Here let's go to the kitchen I am starving."

"Oh yeah me too. Hey Ash can I borrow a pair of sweat pants or something? I just bought these pants and they are **really** tight.

"Sure, my room is up the stairs second door on the right. Check the closet, second dresser, third drawer from the right, sixth drawer from the bottom." She said in one breath.

"Geez Ashley would you like to draw me a map?" I said.

"You'll see." She warned me.

God was she right. I didn't even have time to be amazed this time because her room was so huge I was afraid I'd get lost. _I should have packed some breadcrumbs. _Finally after much searching I found a pair of pajama shorts which, because I was taller than Ashley, fell a little bit higher on my thigh than I normally would have been comfortable with. Satisfied with my find I went down to the kitchen.


	8. Chapter 8

_Hi everyone, thank you so much for the people who reviewed. I love reading them and they really encourage me to keep writing. So I should warn you that this chapter is a little short, but personally I think it's cute. Well feel free to tell me if you agree/disagree. -J. _

Chapter 8

Before walking into the kitchen I stood in the corridor of the kitchen watching Ashley as she focused intently at a list of directions. I had been gone for five minutes and already she had made a huge mess all over the kitchen and herself. Before she could make any more of a mess I walked in.

"Hey Ashley how is it coming?"

"Oh Spencer try this." She said while holding a spoon filled with what assumed to be some sort of gravy. I leaned and slurped it up. _Oh god! _

"Pfft, pfft, blah." I said while running to the sink and spitting it out. "Ewwww, Ashley what is in this?" I yelled.

"What, not good?" She replied innocently.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Hmm, maybe I used too much flour. It said to use a cup" She said while staring at the directions and holding up an oversized starbucks mug.

"You think." I had finally gotten the dry goop out of my mouth, but I must have gotten some excess flour on my hands because when I wiped my face Ashley started giggling at me.

"Oh you think that's funny do you?" I smiled at her.

"Yeah, actually it kind of is. Oh by the way Spencer you got a little bit of flour on your face." She said while starting to laugh.

"Really? Well so do you." I said while grabbing a handful of flour and throwing it on her.

With a shocked look on her face Ashley yelled "Aw hell no!" and started chasing after me with flour in her hand. I was a little too fast for her though and hid behind the corridor waiting. When she walked around I threw a huge handful right on top of her head. Then before she could get me back I ran back to the kitchen where I suddenly slipped on some of the flour on the floor. I caught myself on my hands so it didn't hurt, but before I could get up she was straddling my waist with my arms pinned down.

I stared up at her. Her shirt had ridden up so her abs were showing, they were rhythmically breathing in and out from our exertion. I could have probably gotten up from under her, but it was as if I was in a trance and nothing could move me. She must have sensed my lack of mobility as she slowly started to dip her head near mine until she was so close I could smell her expensive perfume along her jaw line. I could see chest rise and fall. We were almost eye to eye when suddenly she started shaking her head side to side dusting loose flour in my face.

"Ah, pfft, Ashley quit it." I said starting to struggle under her.

"Nope sorry Spencer this is what you get." She said shaking her head even harder.

Struggling harder I managed to kick a leg out from under her. Unfortunately it was right into the edge of the counter.

"Owwww! My leg my leg." I cried while holding the top of my right thigh in pain.

"Oh my god I'm sorry Spencer." She said while crawling off of me "Where does it hurt?"

"Here, here." I said while showing her. Apparently she wasn't all that impressed.

"That's it." She replied in shock. "That is the smallest mark I've ever seen. Here let me look at it." She said while inspecting closer. Then suddenly she dipped her head towards my leg, lifting the hem of my shorts high up on my leg.

"Ashley what are you doing." I whispered with a little too much panic in my voice.

"Shh." She pacified me. "I'll make it better." I watched as she slowly lowered her head laying a gentle kiss on my thigh. My breath caught in my throat as my heart started racing a mile a minute. I looked down at her and what I saw was a girl with lust deep in her eyes. She dropped her head once more pushing the shorts up even higher.

"Ahem!" interrupted a voice that had just entered the room.

My eyes shot open and glanced about the room onto the woman who I could only assume to be Ashley's mother.


	9. Chapter 9

_Hey guys I'm sorry for the long wait, but I had a major case of writer's block and between that and summer school I couldn't write anything. Hopefully this chapter is up to par. Thanks again for all of the reviews. -J._

Chapter 9

Seeing Ashley's mother across the room I felt like I was going to puke. Sure my stomach had been doing flips two minutes ago, but that was for a different reason. _Oh my God she's looking at me. What do I say? Oh no what if she saw Ashley and I…? No, she didn't see anything because nothing happened. I hit my leg and Ashley was jus being a good friend. She's probably just a touchy-feely kind of girl. But that touch felt ama- No!"_

While my emotions were moving in a storm Ashley was doing some damage control.

"Shit!" She said when she saw who had caused the terror in my eyes. "Mom, I had no idea you were going to be home this early." She confessed while crawling off of me. "What happened did your date end early?"

Mrs. Davies simply continued staring at us with her arms crossed and an amused smile on her face. Unfortunately this smile was not friendly.

"Really Ashley, it's bad enough that I have to pretend you aren't doing these things in the privacy of your room, but in the kitchen" She tsked. "even you can understand my discomfort."

By then I had gotten enough control of my weak knees and had gotten up. I gained composure of myself, placed a smile on my face, and put my hand out to greet her.

"Hi, I'm Spencer Carlin." However, the whole greeting thing must have run in the Davies family because she simply looked at my outreached hand, barely acknowledging me.

"Cute" she replied finally looking up at me. "Well Ashley despite your good taste, I still don't appreciate walking home to this."

"Mom, this is my friend Spencer. We're working on the play together." Ashley said with a tiredness in her voice.

"Yes, I saw how well you were working together." She said glaring at me. "Well, this was fun, but if you'll excuse me George is waiting for me in the car." She said while grabbing a coat from the entryway closet. "Oh and Ashley try to let this one down easy when the time comes. I am getting tired of having my things stolen." And with that she walked out leaving me stunned.

_What does she mean let her down easily? Is she saying that Ashley brings home girls? No, Ashley can't bring home girls because that would mean that she is… God, what does this mean?_ Just minutes ago she was laying gentle kisses on my leg and everything felt right, but now... It was just too confusing to deal with.

"Ash, what was…? Did she…?" I stopped to get a deep breath. "Ashley tell me what is going on." I pleaded.

"I'm sorry about my mom she just enjoys making my life a nightmare, that is when she's around which is hardly ever." She answered while staring into space as if to relive some lost memories. "Here will you help me clean up this mess?" she asked snapping out of her day dream.

"Sure no problem." I replied a bit skeptical of how she seemed to dodge my questions. She left and came back with a few cleaning supplies, still with a somber look on her face. I decided to ignore my unresolved questions for now and deal with them later. For now I just wanted the rest of my night to end as well as it started.

"Wow Ashley I figured you wouldn't know how to use a broom much less know where it's kept." I smiled at her.

"Well, actually I stumbled across this baby one night when I was looking for some cereal. And as for knowing how to use it that's a debatable statement." She said appreciating my brightening up the moment.

We continued to clean up the mess talking minimally; however, it wasn't an awkward silence, we simply worked in sync, working together to clean. When the kitchen finally sparkled like it was new I felt a lot better emotionally. I took a look at the clock and saw that it was already 10:00 with only an hour left before curfew.

"Hey Ashley?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"Yeah"

"Well I only have an hour left before my curfew and I wanted to know if we could talk about us-… this. I'm just confused about everything that happened and I…I."

"It's okay Spencer we'll talk, but first you need to get in the shower. I can't have you leaving flour marks everywhere."

"You should talk." I exclaimed. Ashley had turned into a platinum blonde before my eyes and some of it was still caked in her bangs. I highly doubted she would ever be able to wear her shirt again, although after seeing her closet I didn't think it would be that big of a deal.

"C'mon" she said with an outstretched hand. I took hold of her hand and she walked us up the flight of stairs to her room.

When we reached her room she showed me to her bathroom and offered me some clothes to change into. I jumped into the shower and turned it on, the water quickly covering my body in heat and allowing me to forget my worries at least for a minute. There was a vast array of soaps and shampoos lining the counter. Reaching through all of the products I grabbed one at random and brought it up to my nose. _It smells like… her. _I inhaled deeply. After I had finished cleaning up I turned off the water and walked back into Ashley's room feeling (and smelling) much better. She had finished showering and was already seated on the bed waiting for me.

"Geez Spence, could you take any longer?" She joked patting the side of the bed for me to sit down. _It's not my fault you smell so good_. I thought. "I just had a lot of flour on me thanks to someone. She laughed at my comment. "Well while I'd hate to diminish my part in the flour fight I think you got me a little better." I sat down next to her as our laughing died out to an awkward silence holding all of things I needed to hear versus all of the things that I wasn't ready to admit.

"So about what your mom said…" I started

"Yeah, about that… what do you want to know?"

"Well, I guess my biggest question is, are you a… do you… do you like… girls?" I asked so timidly I wasn't even sure if she heard me.

"I'm not really into labels." She replied turning away. I think she wanted that to be enough, but it just wasn't I needed to know everything.

"Ashley." I pleaded, placing a hand on her shoulder to get her to face me. "Please." That one word said it all and she began.

"I… like girls." She confessed looking into my eyes. She paused, I assume waiting for me to run off or reject her in some way. When I didn't she continued. "I've liked girls for a long time, but I haven't acted on it until a year ago. I think I like girls more than boys but I don't know if that makes me a lesbian or bi. I just don't know." She stopped there. I needed to know though and I had to ask her how it happened, but it took me a couple of breaths to say it."

"Ashley, will you tell me about how it happened." I asked. "I need to know - everything. Ashley nodded and began.

"It started last summer…"


	10. Chapter 10

_Hello friends I just want to again apologize for the delay in story, but this one is super long so it should entertain you for a bit. I want to thank degrassi1son for remembering my story and R.R. Grokesyn for giving me really great advice. The first part of this chapter is a story within a story so if I wrote this correctly and you watch the quotation marks it should flow well. To finish I love anybody who reads my story it means the world. -J._

Chapter 10

"It started last summer. By then I was used to my mother running out on me, but with being introduced to alcohol and raging hormones I was less than the model student. I was staying out late at night drinking, doing the occasional drug, and going out with **tons** of guys." She relayed the last one with some melancholy.

"It wasn't that I was depressed or suicidal, it was like I was lonely. My friends were two faced bitches who would leave me in a second for a guy who bought them a drink. I think the only time I felt like someone cared was when I was with a guy. But, those were delusions; those guys didn't care about me either. It was worth it to me to give myself to them just for a few minutes of delusions." By then Ashley's eyes had teared up so I grasped her hand in mine and squeezed. This seemed to give her the courage she needed to continue.

"One night after shooting down every boy at the club, I sat at the bar and ordered something to drink." I looked at her quizzically and she continued. "The bartender had known me for a while and she knew that I really needed it. Anyways a girl walked in and sat down next to me. She was beautiful. She had curly red hair that reached to the end of her shoulder blades which were almost visible by the sundress she was wearing. She had a very fair complexion which definitely contrasted my own tan. I had never seen her before but she took my breath away. The club was pretty dark, but I was still able to see her perfect emerald eyes looking into mine. As if knowing that I was fascinated by her she looked at me and smiled.

'Hi, my name is Anna' she told me. It took me a couple of seconds to snap out of my trance, but I finally answered 'Ashley' and we shook hands and began talking."

"Hey" I exclaimed. "That is so not fair she introduces herself and she gets a handshake. I introduce myself and I get shoved and insulted."

"Do you want to hear the story or not?" She teased. I finally relented and gave a slight nod allowing her to continue.

"Alright, so as I was saying. We introduced ourselves and started talking. We didn't have much in common, but for the first time someone was actually listening to what I was saying and not just pretending to in order to get in my pants. We talked until closing time and out of nowhere she leaned in and kissed me." She paused for a minute and continued.

"It was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. Her lips were so... so soft. Every time I had ever kissed guys it was rushed and forced. This was different. There was no rushing; we were simply enjoying our lips on each other. However, at the same time there was also this immense intensity about it. It felt like my lips were on fire and only her lips could cool them down. I just never felt so cared for or loved in my entire life until that kiss."

"Woooh" I interjected which made her blush slightly. "Oh my is Ashley Davies actually blushing? I'm not sure I'm old enough to hear how this night ended." I joked

"Shut up." She pouted. "It wasn't like that. It was, I don't know special."

After a lengthy pause I asked "What happened to her?"

This didn't react well with Ashley though who began to chew her lip before answering.

"After that night we spent practically every day hanging out. I loved her, but deep in my heart I just knew I couldn't keep her. Nothing in my life had ever been stable before why could it just start now? Well a couple of months after I met her she told me the terrible news that she was moving."

Ashley paused and I grasped her hand tightly in mine as tears started rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes glazed over I could almost picture her first love standing in her arms as they held each other for the last time.

"It gets worse" she whispered silently, looking at nothing in particular. "She only had a few days left in L.A. before she was going to move and she only wanted to spend them with me. She told me she only wanted to hold me in those last few days and be near me while our time disappeared. I should have taken advantage of that, but I didn't. Instead of letting her love me I pushed her away, shielding myself from her. It wasn't that I was mad at her, but I couldn't let myself be out there anymore just to… to get hurt.

The day she left I refused to see her off. I sat in my room and cried and told myself over and over again that it was my fault. It was my fault because I tried to be happy and I tried to open my heart and now it lay shattered."

By then I had grabbed her in a full hug whispering in her ear "Ash you do deserve happiness. You do. I won't leave I promise I won't." We sat like that for a while, her crying on my shoulder and I gently rocking her until the sobs slowed.

"I've never told anybody about this." She said still clutching me. "She left me a letter, but I never had the courage to open it. Will you do it for me Spence I trust you."

"Sure" I replied nervously. She got up and walked over to her drawers shifting things out of her way until she found it.

"Here" she said sitting down again next to me handing me the note. Then she drew her arms across my neck and set her head on my shoulder urging me to read. She fit perfectly.

"Okay here it goes.

Ashley,

I don't know exactly where to start, but I just need some way to tell you all of the things that I haven't been able to say to you in person. I'm leaving today and with that I know that so is our relationship. I love you Ashley. I love you for being the beautiful, talented, wonderful, hilarious, sometimes totally insane person that you are. That's why it kills me that you won't talk to me right now – right now when I need you the most, but I understand why. I know that you have never had anybody stay constantly in your life. I know that you've never had anybody to rely on but yourself and I'm sorry that like all of the others I have failed you in that respect. I know right now that you are probably mad at yourself for pushing me away and I need you to know that I forgive you if you do one thing for me.

Ash, one day your heart will mend and you will be ready to love again. What I need from you is to not be jaded by the experiences you have had in the past, but to forget them and let your heart open to new ones. Someone will come along and be perfect for you and I only hope that they do not fail you as I have. I want you to be happy.

Love, A."

"As I lowered the letter Ashley still clung to me processing what I had just read."

"Do you still love her?" I asked dreading the answer.

"Some, but it can never be the way it was back then we were different people and now it's only a memory."

I relaxed my shoulders a little at this information. It was strange, but hearing her secrets - seeing her so vulnerable it made her seem so real. The sounds of quiet sobbing caught my attention.

"Ash? Ashley are you alright?" I asked while leaning over her.

"Yeah I'm okay. It's just I always hated myself for not being with her when she left and knowing that she forgave me was just kind of freeing. Here let me take you home before you get yourself grounded." She said standing up and reaching out to me to help me up too. However, as she pulled me up I slipped on the carpet falling back on the bed with her landing on top of me.

"Uh Ashley I think this is how we got in trouble last time." I chuckled softly. I waited for her to say something, but when she didn't I shifted my weight under her to get up. She didn't let me go that easily though as she pressed her hips down into mine eliciting an audible moan from deep within me. It was like an electric current the way her pressure emanated from my center to the rest of my body instantly.

My heart was already beating at an intense rate, but when she leaned in towards me I knew that I was defeated. She leaned down towards my face letting her hair cradle around me.

"…Ashley" I whined.

"Shh it's okay" she said right before she pressed her lips onto mine. I was lost after that. Nothing else mattered in the entire world except for the feel of her lips on mine. It was strange and wonderful and all of the butterfly inducing, sensory enhancing, roller coaster ride that Ashley had promised. Her skilled lips pulling at mine while her hands trailed through my hair and up my sides.

Feeling Ashley's tongue pushing against my lips trying to gain entry woke me up from my fantasy and I straightened up crawling away from her as if she was contagious.

"Spence I'm so-"

"Forget about it." I answered rather harshly

"No, I shouldn't have jumped on you like that I just really li-"

"Please Ashley I can't deal right now alright, could you just take me home?" I said while using all of my will power to look away from her. From the corner of my eye I could see her tentatively reach out to touch me, but stopping herself.

As Ashley drove off I sat in my driveway wrapping my arms around my chest, feeling incredibly cold against the hot L.A. night.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I needed time to think, time to arrange my thoughts and figure out what was going on.

_Nothing happened. I'm sure this kind of thing happens all the time people just make out with their friends… who just happen to be extremely sweet, and funny, and incredibly beaut-. No! Can't think like that. Have to think unsexy thoughts. Uh… Uncle Jeff in a Speedo. Okay that's working nothing sexy about that. Hmm Ashley would look great in just a bottom bikini rolling in the sand. Whoa this is not working._

"Even more in love with me you'd fall. We'd have it all. Oh it's what you do to me. Oh it's what you do to me, what you do to me." My phone sang for the thousandth time announcing Ashley calling again. It was only tragic that my favorite song now only broke my heart every time it played.

Suddenly my phone sprang to life playing "Makes Me Wonder." Picking it up I realized that it was Aiden who I was happy to talk to in order to forget about my problems for a minute.

"Hello?"

"Hey Spence it's Aiden"

"Oh hey Aiden what's up?"

"I'm alright listen I know that I haven't known you for very long, but I… uh was wondering if maybe you might want to-"

"I'd love to" I blurted out quickly. I needed some sort of distraction. He offered to pick me up at 7 and I happily obliged.

At six I was getting ready for my "date" when I heard a knock at my bedroom. Opening it up I saw that it was none other than Ashley which instantly drew a knot in my stomach.

"Hey Spence your mom let me in." My frightened expression and slow backing away from her led her to keep explaining.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have barged in on you like that. It's just I needed to talk to you and you weren't answering your phone, but I shouldn't have just come it was rude and you need your space, but I'm just going to go now." She said backing up without really looking which led her to miss the door way and bump into the wall instead.

"Ooh" she moaned weakly. For some reason this made me laugh and relax a little.

"Hey" She exclaimed. "Well at least I got you to smile a little bit. Would it be okay if we just talked for a minute?"

"Um I don't know I mean I have a date with Aiden and-"

"Wait, did you say Aiden?" Ashley asked with hurt in her voice.

"Yeah… he has been into me for a while and I've… liked him too" I choked out. As I turned to walk away from her towards my vanity she grabbed hold of my hand stopping me in my tracks.

"What about yesterday?" She whispered rubbing her thumb over the top of my hand.

"It was… nothing." I uttered unable to look her in the eyes.

"Nothing? Spencer I know I caught you off guard, but… but I felt you kiss me back." Turning towards her I saw tears threatening to fall.

"Ashley I was just caught up in the moment. I'm not into girls. I'm not a lesbian. We are just friends. Do you understand?" I said while gently shaking her shoulders.

Looking deeply in my eyes she pushed my arms off of her. "Yeah I get it Spence. Listen I can't deal with this right now. How about you call me when you stop lying to yourself." And with that she left leaving me to clean up a lot of shattered pieces.

An hour later a doorbell announced that Aiden had arrived to pick me up. When I opened the door I opened it to a very hot guy wearing a tight t-shirt showing off every well sculpted muscle in his chest and biceps. He also came holding a bouquet of daisies. He looked perfect. Any normal girl would be drooling at this point. All I could muster was a forced smile and a peck on the cheek.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked

"Yeah definitely so where are we off to?"

"It's a surprise, but I think you'll like it."

We drove with some silence all the way to the 'surprise.' It was awkward to say the least, but I just couldn't really get myself to open myself up to him.

"So you and Ashley seem to be really close" he said

"Yeah I don't know she's become like my best friend." I realized that this epiphany was just what I needed. _She is my best friend. _No matter what else she was my best friend. I smiled for the first time in what felt like days.

"Really? She doesn't normally open up to people especially this quickly. You must be pretty special. I think you're pretty special." He said sweetly.

"I think you're special too Aiden I think we can become great friends." I know it was not exactly what he was looking for, but I just didn't think anything would ever happen romantically between us.

"Yeah… friends." He said his mood descending.

"I'd watch out for Ashley if I were you?" He said frowning a little as he said so.

"Really? Why is that?"

"Because she's like a lesbian or bi or something, but worse than that she has a large track number for breaking hearts." He told me as if this were some sort of new development.

"Yeah, I know and it's okay?" I smiled at him. _It really is. _

I changed the subject and we continued driving until we made it to Pink's for hot dogs which oddly enough were the best hot dogs I had ever had. Afterwards we drove to Gray's for dancing.

"So is this the local hot spot" I asked

"Yeah, you might see a lot of kids from King here. Hey that reminds me I've never actually seen you at school do you even go to King?"

"No I don't actually." Before I had time to finish explaining he had dragged me out to the floor to dance. He kept trying to get closer to me, but I just wasn't in the mood and kept backing away.

"Hey do you want a drink" He shouted over the noise.

"A water would be nice"

"No I mean a **drink**. I have an understanding with the bartender here."

"No thanks, but seriously water would be great." I told him. Drinking was alright, but I'd never really liked the way it felt it was like I wasn't in control over my own body. Aiden got me my drink and we continued dancing for a while before he got very close and leaned in to kiss me. I pushed him away gently, but when he misunderstood my motion as being coy I ended up shoving him back.

"What are you doing?" He shouted, half in frustration and half to overwhelm the music. I knew what I had to do. Grabbing him by his arm I dragged him outside where it would be easier to talk, easier to let him down.

"So what is this?" He asked

"I'm sorry Aiden I know I'm being a tease right now it's just I don't think I like you that way." Those words finally seemed to relax him and the sigh he gave told of unknown aggravation and subtle acceptance.

"It's Ashley isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" I asked

"Well do you like her?"

"Of course I told you she's my best friend." I said dodging him.

"Spencer, c'mon you know what I mean." The question was finally out in the open. I had no reason to lie to this boy, but at the same time I wasn't even sure if I could bring the truth to come out of my mouth.

"I… I don't know- maybe… I've never done anything like this before and I just don't know if I can." His face and posture had changed drastically and he was very sincere and understanding of me.

"Why not?"

"Well my family is super catholic so they would flip and if my faith were stronger I'd say that would let me burn in hell, but also I'm not a lesbian. Lesbians are like those manly chicks with motorcycles and short hair cuts and whatever."

"Spencer trust me you can't help who you fall in love with."

"I just don't know if I can be that person." I finally admitted.

"If you really like her you won't have a choice. Here c'mon I'd still like to finish our pseudo date." He said extending his hand out to me.

"Thanks Aiden you are being an amazing friend."

"Yeah well to be honest I'm starting to get a little bit tired of that title." And with that we walked back inside and danced some more, this time it was much more comfortable and the added bonus: he stopped trying to kiss me.

Suddenly the song "First Time" by Lifehouse came on. The song had played on the radio numerous times, but for the first time I listened to it and the lyrics only reminded me of one person.

"I'm feeling alive all over again

As deep as the sky under my skin

Like being in love, she said, for the first time

Maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right

Where I belong with you tonight

Like being in love to feel for the first time."

After that I had to see her. I had to talk to her. Everything suddenly made sense and I needed her to know that I needed this… her. I couldn't wait until after my date where I could go and tell her.

"Hey Aiden I'm going to run to the bathroom really quickly."

"Alright be safe"

"As opposed to…" I joked while walking off.

As I walked into the bathroom I stopped to push a few strands of hair behind my ears. I had to stare though because the smile on my face stretched so wide that it strained a little bit, but I couldn't help myself. Finishing up in the bathroom I came out and started searching for Aiden.

Then I saw her. She was wearing a mini denim skirt and halter top which showed off her perfect abs and accentuated her perfect… everything else. I started walking towards her excited. I was going to tell her.

"Ash! Ashle-"

I stopped myself as a girl at the bar turned Ashley around and started making out with her right there in front of everyone. As though in a trance I walked towards her. I got to them right as they dislodged from each other leaving a slightly stunned Ashley staring at me with the look of a kid with her hand in the cookie jar.

"Spencer" she whispered. Then she shook her head and with malice asked "So how's your date going?"

"Alright" I answered back. Anything that had needed to be said earlier was impossible to do now. This hurt a lot.

"Who is this?" I asked quietly

"Her name is Carly." She said curtly. I stood there unable to move, tears staining my eyes. Ashley took my elbow and pulled me away to a more secluded corner.

"Look Spencer I get it okay. You are straight and I took unfair advantage of you. Don't worry I won't harass you anymore." She sounded so hurt and wronged I hated myself for doing that to her and yet I couldn't stop myself from what I said next.

"You moved on real fast Ashley." This seemed to be the straw though and she turned towards me as though ready to strike.

"That is not fair. You turned me away remember." I looked away ashamed at her truth. "Besides, you aren't even my girlfriend so what do you care." With that she walked back to Carly and I went back to searching for Aiden or rather what he could give me.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

_Where is he? Aiden… oh Aiden where are you. _Then I recognized his tall stature flirting with some girl. _Twice in one day are you serious? _I walked up to him and as she saw me I heard her make up some excuse to go to the bathroom or something.

"Spencer!" Aiden said obviously surprised. "About that, listen I just figured that since you weren't interested and um Jenna is, that you wouldn't mind if I"

"No Aiden don't worry about it really. I was just wondering if I could take you up on that offer for a drink." I said flirtatiously.

"Yeah sure I'll go get it" He smiled, happy to be out of the doghouse.

"Oh wait Spencer" He said turning around "what's your tolerance level because the bartender makes this really good drink, but it will knock you on your ass if you aren't tough enough for it."

"Oh don't worry about it I have a really good tolerance." I lied through my teeth. I was the world's biggest lightweight, but right now I definitely needed and deserved a kick in the ass.

I waited around for a couple of minutes until he came back with a tall glass of what looked like bright blue liquid.

"What is that?"

"This would be a traffic jam because of where it was invented." He said handing it to me.

"Cheers" I said before gulping some of it down. _OH MY GOD! _I had had alcohol before, but I always forget about the burn flowing down my esophagus. Taking huge gulps of air I had to really convince myself to take another drink. Opening my mouth to swallow some more I noticed that this time the effects were much better. All of the tears aching to get out were quelled by the fire going down my throat. Finishing my drink I felt the effects start to kick in as I began to dance with Aiden becoming more daring and less inhibited.

Time seemed to slow down and at first I was having a great time, but soon my head started pounding with pressure. I knew that I needed to leave, but if I came home drunk my parents would kill me.

"Spencer!" Aiden shouted from what sounded like far away "Spencer, I think we need to get you home."

"No, Aiden no I can't… my par… parents well keel me." I slurred out.

"Spencer, look you don't look well and I can't take you to my house so what else is there someone needs to take care of you."

Trying to make the spinning room slow down my eyes caught up to Ashley sitting on a bar stool as Carly was trying to pull her on the dance floor.

"Ash… she can help." I smiled at him. With his help we made it past the dance floor over to the bar where I picked up bits and pieces of the conversation.

"Aiden what did you give her?" She said with what I thought was concern.

"Just a traffic jam." He replied meekly.

"Aiden are you crazy she can't handle that."

"She said she could." 

"Whatever you need to take her home now."

"Ash I tried she doesn't want to. I think her parents would freak."

"So take her to your house." 

"Ashley you know I can't.'

"Well what do you want me-" Aiden's look must have insinuated a lot because she went on.

"Aiden no I can't it's weird between us right now okay."

"Look Ash I know there's stuff between you right now, but she needs you." While contemplating her dilemma Carly came back begging Ashley to dance with her, but to her disappointment Ashley said she had to go home to take care of me. I should have felt badly for Carly, but I didn't. With the help of Aiden, Ashley got her and me into a taxi where the silence was too overbearing to take.

"Ashley?" I asked

"Hmm?"

"I think you're pretty and sweet and wonderful and…pretty." I said while I started giggling. "You know I like you a lot I just want to kiss you again." I said leaning in towards her.

"Spencer please stop you don't mean that you're straight."

"Maybe I'm just Ashleysexual then." I replied now falling into full fledged laughter. I think we made it to her house and up to her room before I passed out on her very soft bed.

I was awake before I opened my eyes. The headache had become a low throb and by the brightness I could tell it was morning. What felt strange though was that I wasn't in my bed and the arm draped around my waist wasn't a teddy bear's. That's why I wouldn't open my eyes. If I opened my eyes then the bed I was in really wouldn't be mine and the arm and warm body that form fitted perfectly to my own would be Ashley's. As long as I slept this would only be a wonderful dream where I wouldn't have to worry about labels or consequences. As long as I was asleep this would stay a fantasy.

The shifting form which I decided against identifying pulled me in closer until her nose bumped the back of my neck where I could feel her deep breathing blowing gently against my skin, her chest rising and falling in a gentle rhythm against my back. She was so warm, so perfect. I let us stay this way for a couple of minutes until I felt her stir behind me.

"Ashley?"

"Hmm yeah Spence what is it?"

"Um, where are my pants?" I asked noticing that I was down to my shirt and skivvies. _Thank God I didn't wear a thong._

"Oh shit!" She said finally understanding the situation and crawling back away from me. "Listen Spence I swear I can explain it's not what you think." When I didn't respond she continued rambling.

"Last night you got really hammered and you needed someone to take care of you so Aiden begged me to take you home and once we got here you passed out. In the middle of the night your temperature spiked and you were trying to get them off so I helped you before you passed out again. Then later on you were shivering a lot and the blankets weren't really helping so I figured that body heat would help… and it did, you warmed up and I don't know that's how we ended up like that. I swear I didn't do anything-"

"No Ash it's okay" I finally interjected smiling at her cute fumbling. "I remember, thank you for taking me home with you." We lay in silence for a minute. "Shit! Ashley my parents they must be freaking out right now."

"No, it's okay I texted them last night that you were here they said it was fine." I let myself relax a little at this information

Without Ashley's warmth I grew cold quickly and soon even began to shiver in her presence.

"Spencer are you cold you are shivering again." She said holding her hand against my forehead. "Here let me grab you a sweater."

"Wait Ashley I didn't do anything embarrassing yesterday did I?" I could tell she was contemplating this question a lot trying to think of what she could tell me while sparing my feelings.

"Well… you passed out pretty quickly, but you were slurring a lot." She giggled. "Um and also you complimented me a lot almost like… like romantically."

Knowing that I actually said those things made me begin to blush bright red. I had wanted to tell her, but not really like that.

"It's alright Spencer everyone says crazy things when they are drunk I know you didn't mean them." After a long pause I knew what I had to say.

"Ash what if… what if I did?" She didn't respond and I knew after all of my confusion that I had to explain myself. _Here it goes._

"Honestly I don't know what I'm doing or if this is a phase. I don't know if I can even do this, but I know I need to. Ashley I want…you. I want you in a way that I've never wanted any other person. When I'm with you I feel like I can tell you anything and when you get close I feel like my stomach is dropping from a hundred feet in the air, but in the best way. And… most importantly when I said that kiss meant nothing it was the furthest thing from the truth because that kiss was everything. I never thought that I would ever feel that fireworks and floating feeling that comes with a perfect kiss. That is until I met you. I guess what I'm saying is that I want to be yours no matter what consequences come and I really hope that you'll want me too."

With my proposal out I sat and waited for her to respond. I thought she'd be excited or happy, but she simply sat there.

"Um Ashley hello? I'm pouring my heart out here a little encouragement would be nice."

"Spencer, I really like you and I have for a while, but you really hurt me and I just can't be in a relationship with you unless I know for sure that you won't just back out. I want you so much, but if you break my heart I don't know if it will mend. So are you sure."

For her sake I pretended to take this question deeply into my heart, but it didn't really matter I had known the answer ever since I had first met this girl, it had just taken until now for me to realize it.

I got myself up to my knees and leaned in tentatively near her face letting my lips hover right in front of hers. She waited for me to take the initiative. Very carefully I reached out and our lips touched lightly instantly setting off electricity between us, but I wanted more. Gaining my courage I intensified the kiss and pretty soon I felt her hands reach out and hold my face gently while I ran my hands up and down her back. As our kisses died down she walked her hands down my arms leaving goose bumps.

"So what's your answer?" She joked. I couldn't joke right now though when everything in the world felt so right so I simply answered by tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear and leaning in for another kiss.

"So now that we are together what do you want to do." She said while stifling a yawn.

"Well I'm still cold." I replied which apparently was satisfactory with her.

We laid down in bed for a couple more house of sleep. She snuggled up near me letting her arm dangle high up on my stomach. Kissing the back of my neck she whispered a sweet good night before letting herself fall asleep. Before drifting away myself I said a silent prayer that time could just stop for a while and her perfect warmth and love could wrap around me forever.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"I didn't really think you'd meet me here." Ashley said to me a few days later.

"Yeah, I had to, but if someone saw us together…"

"I know how it works. We're together, but in public we are just friends." She lamented.

"Right, but I know how to make it better." I said leaning in towards her. She came in to kiss me and just as our lips were going to touch I stopped. "Then they kiss." I said to a groaning Ashley.

"Spencer, quit doing that." She said lowering her script and smiling through her frustration. "The only good thing about running lines with you is that one scene and you keep doing that."

"I'm sorry Eve I'm just too cool for you." I told her. She began making a little pout noise and accompanied it with a sad puppy look. "Here." I smiled at her before placing my hand at the back of her neck and pulling her in for a kiss. Relinquishing my hold on her I saw her glazed eyes flutter open.

"Mmm. You know what's great about you Spencer, your smell. It's like lavender or honey or… I don't know it's just so perfectly you." She said while leaning into the side of my neck and inhaling before kissing along the side and sucking deeply on my pulse point.

"Ash" I whispered breathless. "We'll never finish if you keep doing this."

"and…" she debated.

"good point." I relented and allowed her little ministrations to continue before my phone started vibrating on a nearby table.

"Ignore it" the brunette whispered huskily in my ear.

"Uh… I can't it might be my mom." I said reaching over and grabbing my phone.

"Yeah Mom I'm still at the theater. I'm hanging out with Ashley." All the while Ashley had begun rubbing my abs underneath my shirt and giving them quick kisses. Then she reached her tongue out licking my belly button causing me to inhale short spurts of air.

"No, I'm fine Mom I just ran in here when I heard the phone. Yeah I'll be home for dinner… Oh Ashley." She lifted her head up at her name. "Oh you want Ashley to come to dinner too." At this news she began waiving her arms and mouthing 'no' frantically. "She'd love to. Okay mom we'll see you soon, bye." I hung up and smiled triumphantly.

"Spencer!" She pretty much shrieked. "You are so evil."

"Oh and you aren't?" I laughed. "What was that? My mom was worried that I was having a heart attack or something.

"No." She whined. "I don't do family dinners. You've met my mom, you know I have a good excuse."

"Sorry Ashley, but I know for a fact that you don't have plans tonight and I already told my mom you would." She began shaking her head.

"Please Ashley it's important to me." I begged with my hands clasped together.

"Fine." She pouted with her arms crossed around her chest, "but I won't have any fun."

"Ash you look like your five. Come on it will be great trust me." She simply stared at me.

"Okay maybe great is stretching it, but it will mean a lot to me for you to meet the parents." Ashley continued to stand there unimpressed. I walked over to her sliding my fingers up her arm.

"Maybe I can give you a good incentive." I whispered before leaning in for a kiss. This seemed to catch her attention as she leaned in too. "And then they kiss." I said breaking into laughter and running away.

"Damn it Spencer." She screamed as she got herself up running after me.

We made our way out of the playhouse and clambered into her car. My car was at home because Ashley had insisted on driving me to the theater.

"Now Ash explain to me again why you had to drive."

"Spencer carpooling saves the environment."

"Not if I live 15 minutes in the other direction." I laughed.

"Well maybe I'm trying to get in the habit." She smiled.

"You know what I think?" I said.

"Yeah what's that?"

"I think that it's just an excuse because you want to be with me." I said sweetly to her.

"You might…" She said taking my hand from my lap and entwining it with hers before bringing it to her hands and kissing it "be right." I blushed and for the rest of the trip we sat in a blissful quiet until we got to my house.

To be perfectly honest after seeing Ashley's castle I was a little embarrassed to bring her to my home. So as I directed her into the driveway I cringed waiting for her to try and awkwardly compliment it in some way, but what she did stunned me. She didn't say anything, she just stared in complete admiration of something that I just couldn't seem to see.

"Ashley, are you okay?"

"Yeah Spencer can we go in?" She said awkwardly. We walked in and still she maintained that air of astonishment finally after a few minutes of quiet she spoke.

"Spencer, your house is amazing."

"Oh thanks Ashley, but that's really not necessary I mean your house is way bigger and-"

"No" She said staring deeply into me. "I wish that my home had this much… I don't know homie-ness." She finished smiling at me.

"Very eloquent… and very sweet." I said glancing around quickly before laying a quick peck on her lips.

"Spencer is that you? Could you come into the kitchen please?" My mother called.

"Yeah mom. C'mon" I said to Ashley dragging her into the next room.

"Hello you must be Ashley" my mother said gripping my girlfriend up into a bear hug.

"Mom please." I responded laughing.

"Oh I'm sorry Ashley I'm just excited to meet one of Spencer's friends." A little embarrassed we waited together as other family members walked in, each one apparently getting a nice impression of Ashley. We helped my mom set the table and everything went fine as we sat down to eat.

"Ashley, would you mind saying grace." My mother beamed. _Oh Shit!_

"Mom, I don't know if that's really such a good idea." I replied.

"No honey the guest should have the honor. Go ahead Ashley."

"Alright. I'll try." With that she clasped her perfectly manicured hands together in an act that looked rather foreign and started.

"Um Hi God, Thank you for the food it looks really great and hopefully some of those poor kids in third world countries can eat well tonight too." She glanced up at me and I made a signal for her to continue.

"Uh thank you for my new friend Spencer and bless her super nice family. Thank you and goodnight." While trying not to chuckle my brothers and I accompanied with 'Amen' and we started to eat.

"So Ashley how do you like living in L.A.?" my father asked.

"It's alright sometimes I hate it, but at the same time there isn't anywhere else in the world I think I could live. I don't think I could survive without the sunshine.

"That is quite lovely Ashley." My mom replied.

"Yes very lovely." I added. We finished up dinner and as I walked her to her car she loosely curled her fingers around mine. It was sweet and as I turned to tell her that, I lamented because I couldn't. Instinctively Ashley knew what was bothering me.

"Come on Spence let's go for a walk." I nodded and we started off around the block. It was a warm evening and while the sun threatened to fall I knew that vibrant hues in the sky would linger for at least a few more sweet minutes just for us. We walked in silence for a few paces, shyly bumping into each other and grinning. Eventually though things got serious.

"It sucks doesn't it?" she finally spoke. "I mean it's hard enough trying to find someone to be with much less having to explain your relationship to everyone. There are going to be people who you don't even know who will judge you. I think the hardest thing though will be your family, people who are supposed to love you indefinitely will stop and it will be difficult."

"God Ashley you make it sound so glamorous." She remained serious.

"I'm sorry Spencer I just want you to know what you are getting into. And I want to know if it's worth it to you." She turned me around looking at me very seriously.

"Ashley I'm not going to lie I'm not sure if this is something I want." She looked extremely crestfallen. So I continued. "But I know that I'll do anything it takes to be with you." That brought a smile back on her face.

"Don't worry Spence whatever comes I'll be there for you no matter what. We'll get through it." We had made it back to my house by then so after a friendly hug which probably lingered a bit longer than it should have she drove off. I walked into the house feeling wonderful, but that's just what she did to me. When we were together it was as if nothing else mattered. I walked in and went into the kitchen to help my mom with the dishes.

"Well Spencer, Ashley seems like a very nice girl. Perhaps not great with prayers, but we probably just put her on the spot. Oh I know she can come with us to church on Sunday that's will be perfect right before opening night." She skipped away quite proud that she was about to convert another heathen.

"Hey Spencer by the way I'm going to need you to start packing, your Aunt called from New York and said that she's coming home a few days early from her trip. So we'll probably leave right after closing night." My heart sank in my chest like a ton of bricks. How had I let myself fall so deep so quickly?

"Wait Mom what?"

"Spence I know you're busy with the play, but just try to pack some of the stuff so you won't rush and forget anything. It's really expensive to ship things all the way to Ohio."

"No, I'm not ready to leave."

"Honey, I know you just got to know Ashley, but summer is over. It's time to go back home. I'll tell you what if it's that important to you I'll get Ashley a plane ticket to come visit as an early birthday gift." She smiled sweetly and left.

Clutching my arms around my knees I slowly slid down onto the floor too numb to feel anything, but the pain piercing my heart.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

'It's time to go back home.' My mother's words echoed through my head again and again refusing to leave me alone. How was I going to tell Ashley? How could I bring myself to destroy my girlfriend after I promised her I would be there for her? The guilt panging my head incited so much pressure, banging it against a wall almost sounded like a good option.

"Spencer are you almost ready to go? Mass starts soon." My dad yelled up the stairs.

"Yeah Dad just finishing up." I looked myself over in the mirror. The pale pink blouse and skirt looked slightly too youthful on my face, but at least I had convinced my mother out of making me wear the grandmotherly shawl that went with it. What really struck me though were my eyes which looked sunken and dark against my very pale face. I knew why though. I hadn't slept the last night and with that thought the guilt flared up again.

I slumped down the stairs just at the time the door bell rang. Opening it up I saw that it was Ashley and my knees almost gave out on me. She looked beautiful, but in a different way. Normally she would wear a skirt and heels with a shirt that showed off enough skin one could misplace her for a beachgoer.

Today though she looked radiant in a cream skirt and blouse, which while covering up some of her modesty, did nothing to hide her beauty. Her hair was curled and half of it was held up by a clip which allowed her the rest to carelessly cradle around her face.

"Hey Spencer do I look alright?" She said. "I've never been to a church before and I want to make sure I look the part." I merely gazed at my beauty at a loss for words. Who knew that the only thing that could distract me from Ashley was Ashley. Luckily my mom stepped in to save my dumbstruck self.

"Ashley I'm so glad you could make it." My mother said pulling my girlfriend into a hug like she had known her forever. "You look beautiful."

"Oh thanks Paula and thank you for inviting me."

"No problem Ashley. Can you two go and get into the car and I'll go round up the rest of the guys." We nodded and walked back outside and hopped into the car. Again the temptation to kiss this goddess seated beside me was almost too much to bear. Unfortunately I had to settle for clandestinely intertwining our fingers in the space between us.

"So how long have you and my mom been on a first name basis?" I joked.

"Well since when did I need my girlfriend's mom to invite me places?" she retorted.

"I'm sorry Ash I just didn't think you'd want to waste your Sunday at church."

"True" she responded. "But I would waste all my Sundays at church if I could spend them with you." I knew that I had to tell her the truth of my leaving so she could back out if she wanted to, but at that moment my family hopped into the SUV while Ashley and I dislodged ourselves.

Throughout the 15 minute car ride my family busied themselves with small talk while Ashley and I remained quiet. Every once in a while though, she would reach down between us to lightly draw circles on the top of my hand which in turn sent shivers up my skin. We made it to mass earlier than most people as my mom insisted that we get the closest seats in the front.

Mass started and the priest began lecturing about lying. His droning was dull, but it was made more entertaining by Ashley's notes which we passed back and forth. Overall the service was fine I helped Ashley kneel when needed and how to follow along with the songs. When the offering plate came around Clay and Glen each threw in a couple dollars and I threw in a five. To my surprise Ashley nonchalantly reached into her purse and threw in a heavy wad of cash into the plate.

"Ashley how much did you put in?" I mouthed.

"Just a couple hundred, why should I have put in more?" She questioned innocently. I chuckled in my seat.

When we sang the final hymn my mother excused the two of us in order 'to show Ashley around.' I knew that this was probably a tactic to surround her with the church's beauty, but for me it was just a chance to get some quality time in.

"So, Spencer I think that went pretty well"

"Yeah" I smirked. "Except for during confession when you refused to take the body of Christ because you didn't need the carbs and when you asked for an extra drink of his blood."

"Hey" she said "I didn't take one so I figured I deserved a little extra of the other." I laughed and a paused ensued before I decided to find out how she liked the service.

"So how do you like this?" I asked as we rounded various corners of the chapel.

"Well it is beautiful in here, but I don't think I could do this church thing."

"Oh so you don't believe in God?" I said a bit dejected. While I wasn't anywhere near as religious as my mother I still felt strongly connected to the Holy Spirit.

"Well don't tell anyone, but I do believe in God."

"Really?" I said shocked. "Well then why aren't you religious?"

"Well, I just can't stand and pray next to people who believe that my entire life is a sin. I think God gave us the ability to love and it's not up to them to judge me." Her words took me aback. I knew she was bright, but her reasoning was just so profound.

"I know" she said "sometimes I surprise myself with my wisdom too."

Rounding the deserted corridor she stopped me in front of an empty confession box that was surrounded with do not cross ribbon. Now while I would normally move on Ashley grabbed my elbow, lifted up the ribbon, and pulled me under.

"Hey cool what is this?" She said pointing to the confession. It was quite extraordinary a dark oak box with beautiful etchings deep within.

"It's a confession, people go in there and tell there sins to the priest. Then he pretty much lectures you, prays for you, and lets you go."

Wiggling her eyebrows she opened up a door and shoved me. Then she jumped into the other side and slid the window open so that all that remained between us was an iron panel. I could still see her, but it allowed some anonymity to the sinner. I think the reason it wasn't open for the public yet was because it was freshly painted, but the paint had dried to where there was only a slight lingering smell.

"So my child what sins have you committed recently?" she said in her best male voice.

"Well I lied to my parents recently so that I could spend more time with this girl named Ashley." I responded trying not to laugh.

"Oh yes Ashley Davies we hear her name a lot in here." She said which caused me to laugh out loud.

"So how do you feel about this Ashley Davies?" She continued

"Well father to be honest she makes me feel differently than anybody else I have ever met. When she speaks her raspy voice draws goose bumps on my skin and when she touches me I can barely make coherent thoughts. I want to be near her so badly all the time. She is amazing. I think I never really lived until the day she became my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend Spencer Carlin that's a sin!"

"Hey" I laughed "How about some anonymity?"

"I have a better idea" She smirked. Not realizing what she was doing I heard her scramble up and open her door and then the next thing I knew she was climbing into mine. There wasn't much room in the confession so she ended up straddling my lap and without a moments hesitation was running her hands across my face, kissing my lips.

"Wait Ashley what if someone catches us in here?" My heart beat racing.

"Well think of it this way we won't have to leave to confess about it." She answered and resumed her ministrations. Unfortunately my conscience got the better of me and I knew I had to tell her about my leaving.

"Ashley there's something I need to tell you."

"Wait Spencer I want to give you something." She reached down at our feet and brought up her clutch. Reaching inside she revealed a small box which held a white gold necklace connected to a diamond heart.

"Spencer, I want you to have this because I love you, so much and there is barely a time during the day that you aren't on my mind. You are my everything and I wanted to give you something to show you that." I was awestruck and blinded by the feelings I felt for this girl. Looking up into her yearning eyes I gently kissed her lips.

"I love you too Ashley." She smiled and leaned in to start kissing me again. Just being near her was enough to make my heart beat faster and my skin feel more electrified. Her hand reached down and began lightly tracing a path up my inner thigh causing me to suck in my breath.

She reached up and deftly unbuttoned my shirt helping me to pull it off my shoulders. Then she reached back and took off hers as well. Leaning into me I felt her skin as vividly as an electric current. Instead of trying to push her away I grasped her harder against me. All the while her skilled lips pulled at mine incurring a familiar stirring in the pit of my stomach. I moaned loudly.

At that moment the door swung open and light blazed the inside of my bubble. Everything seemed a blur after that as my Mother screamed and angrily pulled my girlfriend off of me. Grabbing me wildly by the elbow she brought me out into the sun lit hallway. I reached out toward my love and was rejected by my Mother's voice.

"You did this to her." She screamed at Ashley.

"What no Mom it isn't like that I love her." I professed. As her eyes rose ablaze in shame and anger she spat out the words that I hadn't had the courage to say.

"When we leave at the end of the week you will never see her again. Do you understand you will not corrupt my daughter with your sin." Ashley's eyes darted to mine asking the questions I didn't have the heart to answer.

"No, Ashley I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you." I said while my mother dragged me away. How had such a beautiful moment gone awry? Explaining to my family that we needed to go home instantly my mother drove us home. While looking out the back of our car I saw Ashley crumple up against an Oak tree, sinking down into the dirt. Her heart probably as shattered as my own.


	15. Chapter 15

The car ride was so eerily quiet. My heart was pounding out of my chest and my mind was still too bewildered to let the tears that threatened at the end of my eyes to fall. The only thing I could focus on was my breathing.

We finally made it back to the house and my mom quickly dismissed my family into the house leaving just the two of us in the car, her hands still gripped white on the steering wheel.

"Spencer, I need you to tell me that what you and Ashley were doing was not romantic." She said solemnly. I stayed quiet not knowing what to say after that episode.

"Spencer! Please just tell me what I want to hear."

"I can't." I whispered truthfully. "Mom, the truth is I think I'm… ga-"

"Spencer, don't say that." My mother pressed. "You don't know how hard the lives are for the people who choose that lifestyle." She turned to face me. "Honey, please just forget about her, forget about Ashley and we can go back to Ohio and you can go back to who you are." With that she exited the car and walked back into the house.

I must have sat in the car for an hour just thinking. This whole situation was so broken that it was easy to think I could go back to Ohio in a week and forget about this whole trip and forget about her. Forget the way her hair smelled and the way her body curved perfectly against mine when we just listened to the other breathing. Maybe forget how soft her lips felt on me and how sometimes her fingers would just spontaneously curl around mine setting my skin on fire.

Forget being loved… Forget happiness.

I lifted myself up and unhinged the car door allowing my tired body to drag itself into the house and away from the questioning looks of my family. Walking up to my room I heard my mom explain away my pain as boy rejection. It was almost laughable, almost.

I got into my shower and let some of the water wash away my pain. I still didn't know how I could face her, if I could face her.

I turned off the water and left the warmth and safety of it to hurt the person I cared more about in the entire world. As though in a trance I dressed and picked up my theater bag. I wasn't ready to see her and break her heart, but she deserved better.

I slipped into my car and as I was driving I heard "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen came onto the radio. I started crying. Normally the lyrics drive me to sing and slap the steering wheel, but now it just seemed to bring up recent memories, especially watching her smile for the first time.

Changing the radio station in a hurry I found some music that could blast the pain from my ears, and thankfully the music washed away the tears by the time I made it to the playhouse. As I closed the doors the theater seemed very ominous, looming out in front of me like a death sentence.

I walked into the theater and went towards the group dressing room, pausing in front of Ashley's. I almost knocked, but I didn't want to ruin her concentration at a time like this. It wouldn't be fair. I went into the dressing room and changed quickly trying to avoid all the looks of the other cast mates.

They knew that Ashley was open about her orientation, but we had never gone forward as a couple. She and I had never argued or even discussed it; it was just something that belonged to us. Our relationship was not so much a dirty secret, but a treasure that was better left hidden from the judging eyes of others. So I knew that the other members of the cast had their gossip about us. Their eyes always seemed to burn the back of my head.

As I was walking toward the stage I bumped into Aiden.

"Spencer, where's Ashley?" He asked desperately.

"I don't know." I said concerned. "She's not here?"

"No, she's not." He spoke nervously. "You don't understand Spencer, she's the lead. She has her faults, but she would never, ever be late like this. It's not like her." Then he left, hurriedly trying to find the lead.

I picked up my cell phone in an effort to contact her, but then I realized she wouldn't pick up for me. Defeated, I walked back to the dressing room, preferring the gossip of the cast to the realization that I could have ruined her career.

It was an hour when the director finally decided that the understudy needed to play Ashley's part. This girl was only half as talented as Ashley, and her excitement was quickly eradicated as the stage fright pushed in. While the director was holding a brown paper bag for the poor girl to breathe into, the doors pushed open and everyone's eyes floated up to salvation.

"I'm here, sorry I'm late." She announced honestly walking in to the director's delight. Anyone else, I think he would have personally kicked out of the show, but not her, she was the star.

I tried to lock eyes onto hers, but she avoided them running into her dressing room.


	16. Chapter 16

The problem with having a small part is all the down time you end up having. I was already dressed and was reapplying my make up for the third time when I noticed that I still had a half hour for my time to go on stage. I had to do something though, being alone with just my thoughts was tearing me up.

I decided to walk to the stage. There was some room on the wings where some of the cast could sit and watch the show during rehearsals. The director probably wouldn't be happy with me sitting there now, but none of the consequences would really affect me. I found a dark spot on stage right, allowing just a small window of stage for me to watch.

It was neat to watch the play from this view. There was something secretive about it, where you were almost watching somebody's life unfolding rather than a show. Then again, maybe it was the view that was carrying me away. On center stage Ashley sat on a desk wearing a pencil skirt with her legs crossed. This was her first solo song of the show and her voice was unbelievably breathtaking.

I flashbacked to the night when she practiced her songs in front of me, replacing the lead male's name to mine and tweaking the pronouns. It made me blush uncontrollably when she did that, and at the moment I could feel my cheeks warming up to the memory.

As she finished her solo the crowd cheered and she walked off stage towards me. I was caught up in the moment and it made me forget the fact that she was upset with me, so I waited there. She walked into the wing, and when her eyes made contact with mine she tried to distance herself from me.

"Ashley" I whispered. She ignored me so I whispered it slowly again. This time she turned towards me with her eyes throwing out daggers. She didn't want to speak to me, and she certainly didn't want to hear what I had to say so I crept out of the wings and walked back into the changing room.

In the next hour and a half I had successful said my one line and was back in the changing room clearing my things. My family wouldn't be coming until closing night so I took my time, not worrying about meeting anybody. Eventually I made it outside where some of the cast members were asking Ashley to go to dinner with them. I saw her shake her head no, and explaining that she didn't feel well before getting into her car and leaving. I stood in the parking lot for a few more minutes before also getting into my car and heading home.

That was the way the show ran for two more nights. I kept trying to talk to Ashley, but she ignored me, and I sent her texts and voicemails, but she would never return them. To me it felt as though acid was dripping on my heart. She was true love, and now we were over.

The third night of the show went better than it had gone previously, and the audience could certainly tell a difference in the lead actress's emotional state from the first night. I had to wonder if that was a sign that she was over us, over me. I had to know if there was something left of our relationship that could save us from the stupid mistake I had made. I approached her that night. Like the first night I hid in the wings until after one of her scenes and when she came I called her to me.

"Ashley… Ashley!" I whispered louder the second time.

"Spencer shush they can hear you" She scolded. Amazed that she was saying something to me I kept talking.

"Ashley I need to explain what happened."

"Not right now okay the show is going on."

"Then meet me here after the show." I pleaded. Ashley sighed heavily and softly nodded before walking back on stage. Ecstatically I walked to the changing room. I was so happy she was going to talk to me. A shred of dread wandered into my brain before I snuffed it. I didn't know what I was going to say to her, but I would let my heart talk, and if anything else she would at least know.

After the show ended I raced on stage to meet her. There were a few patrons still chatting after the show, but Ashley wasn't there. I believed that she just wanted to wait for better privacy and thought nothing of it. Ten minutes later she still hadn't appeared. After twenty minutes I felt the pangs of fear rushing up into me, but I stayed steadfast just praying she would show. Every minute ticked by until I heard the exterior doors to the show lock which meant little to me exiting, but sent a message that no one could come inside. Forty minutes had gone by and as I lifted myself up to leave, the lights turned off.

It was an all consuming darkness that shadowed over my eyes. My heart began to beat quickly, and then a spotlight turned on, blinding me for a few moments until they adjusted. The door to the tech room shut quietly and I heard high heeled shoes clicking down the aisle until the sat down. Looking out into the audience I saw Ashley sitting three rows up with her hands clasped together.

"Ashley what's going on?" I said surprised. I had expected to talk to her face to face, and this was much different than that plan. She spoke clearly.

"Spencer, I am through and through an actress. I don't make many relationships with people because I end up getting hurt. I thought you were different."

My eyes burned from that truth in that statement. She went on.

"Up there on stage is where I connect with people. Through the eyes of the characters I play I show the audience who I am and how I feel. No matter how hard I try I can't lie when I'm up on stage. I want to see if you can. So go ahead, say what you need to say."

It was hot being under those lights and I felt the nerves go down my arms with her in front of me. This wasn't like saying my two lines in the play. I was going to have to bare my soul and hope that she wouldn't crush it. I let my heart beat a few more times and then I spoke to her.

"You have a right to hate me Ashley." I started surprised myself at what I had said. "You have a right to hate me because I did the one thing that I promised you I wouldn't. I'm leaving. So you can go ahead and abhor me, but don't tell me that it meant nothing." I spoke eloquently and my confidence soared.

"Ashley when we met we hated each other, but something was there. That something fought and grew between us until it bloomed. Our relationship was… is not something fragile. I was scared to be with you because you were a girl, but you fought for me. I was afraid of society's stigmas, but you fought to block that from my sights. Now, you're afraid of what the distance will do to us, so I'm going to fight for you.

I know that I'm not a passing fling for you. Even if you try to tell yourself that I'm like those girls that you hooked up with, I know you won't believe it. I know because when I kiss you, your lips fight to curl up into a smile, and your body relaxes and tenses at the same time." I looked down at her and saw her face sheepishly comprehend.

"I won't leave here without you knowing how I feel about you. I didn't want to love you because you were a female, but I couldn't fight it. Every part of me desires you. My mind wants you and my body aches for you in a way that feels scary and natural at the same time. No one has ever made me feel that way before, and whether it's wrong or not means nothing. I'll take the world's criticism, as long as I can have you, because I love you." I ended not even realizing the words that had left my lips until I uttered them. I stared out into the audience just waiting for her to say something. She said nothing; instead she exited her seat and walked out of the auditorium leaving me standing in the spotlight alone.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Dear xxashleyluver4lifexx, of course I wouldn't end it like that. Hey guys short chapter, but don't worry the whole story is written so there shouldn't be another 2 year hiatus :0) - J

Tears ran down my face. They streamed down my cheek until they fell to the stage underneath. Ashley was right I had given her my heart up there on stage with no safety net and the worst had happened. She had rejected me. I felt the seams on my heart burst open with pain and I knew exactly how she felt that day at church. I turned off the spotlight and left the theater, not believing I would have the strength to return. I somehow drove myself home and went into my room to cry before falling asleep.

It was late when I frantically woke up. I was alerted to a clicking noise coming out of my bedroom window. Looking towards it I noticed the pebbles softly bouncing off the glass. I went to the window and looked outside to see Ashley waving me to come downstairs. I was so confused that I almost felt as if it were a dream in which my fantasy was returning. It couldn't be real. Her anger with me was too overwhelming for this to be real.

I walked downstairs and softly opened the front door and stepped onto the porch, closing the door to not wake my family. I looked around, but did not see her. Summing up the moment to be wishful thinking I turned my back when I heard her speak.

"Wait." She said. I turned towards her. My body ached to run and pull her into my arms, but the pain paralyzed my feet into place. She walked closer to me until we were a few feet apart. "Did you mean what you said on stage?" Ashley asked. I was still shocked that she was standing in front of me.

"Spencer, did you mean it?" She asked again. I nodded first before answering.

"Yes, every word." I said honestly. She didn't speak, but instead quickly closed off the few feet between us and pulled me into her. Her lips crashed onto mine and everything came undone. The anger, the sadness, and all the love I had held in for the past few days spilled out of me. I held onto her as if she were life itself, and allowed myself to be swept under. Our kisses were deep and sweet, as though trying to get in all of the passion that we had missed in the last few days.


	18. Chapter 18

I watched her as she slept in my bed. The early morning light was gently creeping up the side of the room and I prayed that it would wait a little longer before resting on her eyes.

The sunlight was streaming through her golden brown hair and I toyed with a loose curl as her chest rose softly up and down. She had spent the night, and while nothing happened I had never awoken so peacefully since the first night I had shared her bed.

Her eyes were shut, but the tension that had resided in her face for the last few days was easing away. Her lips almost smiled, and as she stirred slightly I whispered in her ear 'I love you.' This caused her whole face to smile as she hummed an 'okay.'

"Well" I said mock upset as her eyes began to blink open. "Aren't you going to say it back?" She smiled like the Cheshire cat.

"I am incapable of loving anyone before noon." She giggled.

"Really, so you couldn't make an exception for me?" I said softly kissing a spot on her neck that I knew would cause goose bumps. She breathed in quickly in a response I was beginning to recognize.

"Maybe a small exception." She breathed deeply.

"Are we okay?" I asked suddenly serious. Her eyes opened fully and she snuggled closer into me.

"Yeah, I think so." She admitted.

"What made you change your mind about leaving?" I asked. She lifted herself up in order to look me in the eyes, and paused for a moment before speaking.

"When you were on stage, what you said was just so loving. I didn't want to believe you. You really hurt me Spence."

"I know" I said with pain tearing at the edges.

"I left without talking to you because I didn't want to say anything I'd regret, but seeing you last night I knew you were telling the truth. I'll fight for you Spencer no matter what separates us. I promise." We kissed and I knew that until the day I died I would never know happiness like this, true unconditional love.

"Oh Ashley there's one more thing, I told my mom about us." I lamented.

"Well I'm pretty sure she had an idea when she saw us together, but how did she take it?"

"Not well. I'm scared Ash. What if she stops loving me?" I asked. She took her time to soothe my fears.

"Look Spencer, what you are doing isn't going to seem right to her. She is going to deny and struggle with it for a while, but I can tell that she loves you. She'll understand eventually." I smiled despite myself. I didn't know if what she said was true, but it was enough to feed my fears.

"How on earth are you smart and beautiful" I asked thoughtfully. She smiled.

"Yeah I actually forgot to tell you, I'm Jesus." She said trying to keep a straight face.

"Oh great my mom will love that I'm dating Jesus." I said cracking up and digging my head into the crook of her arm.

"Well tell her if she gets over the whole 'gay' thing I'll totally get her a good condo in heaven." She continued. We laughed like that for a while. I liked being in her company with all of my secrets laid out. I held her to me for a long time just pretending that in a few days I wasn't leaving.

Eventually we got up and made our way over to the farmer's market for lunch. I had never been and she took a lot of joy in being able to show me L.A. By the end of our date it seemed as though everything was perfect again. She drove me to my house where we parted.

I walked into the house feeling on cloud nine as I saw my mother sitting near the counter. She looked up towards me and stood up as though to leave the room. Maybe it was being with Ashley that boosted my confidence, but I caught up to her before she left.

"Mom, can't you even look at me?" I questioned.

"Spencer we don't have to talk about this."

"Yes we do. Mom, I know that you think that this is a phase, but it's not I know it."

"Spencer, please just think about what you are saying. Maybe if you dated a few more boys you'd find one you'd like." She pleaded.

"Mom, please listen to me. I know I'm gay. I have always known I was just never able to make myself believe it. Please Mom; I don't need you to accept it today. I just need you to love me. Can't you do that?"

"Of course Spencer I'll never stop loving you." She said pulling me into a hug. This wouldn't be the last time we had this discussion, but knowing that she loved me was good for the time being, and in the future I could only hope that Ashley's prediction would come true. We parted for the night and I went back up to bed, wishing that this week would last forever.


	19. Chapter 19

The week went by too quickly and I found myself spending every moment I could with Ashley. We tried to catch in some sights while I was still in L.A., but we always seemed to catch ourselves just in some quiet place where we could lay together. Sometimes we talked about what would happen when I left, but most of the time we just enjoyed being near each other.

The final night of the show I could tell Ashley's nerves were frazzled. She usually came through the front doors smiling, more than ready to start the show, but this was harder and I understood why. Right after the show I was going to board a plane and travel hundreds of miles away.

My fingers that had previously been loosely twirled around hers grew into a stronger grip to tell her that it was okay. She seemed so hesitant to go change. I quickly held her to me in a kiss, not even caring at this point who saw. I broke off as her eyes slowly fluttered open.

"Go get ready" I mock scolded her.

"No, I want to be with you for the last few seconds that we have together." She said pulling me into another kiss.

"Ashley you have to stop" I said with absolutely no conviction. "I have to go change."

"Aww Spencer, never change" She said grinning goofily.

"You're lame!"

"I love you" She smiled before ducking into her dressing room. I went to the group changing room and got ready to go on. My part was pretty uneventful, but I could hear my family clapping loudly for me just the same. Their support was very welcome.

I was hanging out in the changing room when the stage manager ran in completely frantic. Her name was Erin and she was obviously in a bad mood.

"Does anybody have a script? Anybody?" The girls in the room shook their heads no to her dismay.

"This is a play and nobody brought their freaking scripts." Erin screamed at us. One of the girls in the room spoke up and explained how the director had warned against having scripts on hand during the show. It was some strange tradition he had, and apparently everyone had followed it.

"Erin what's going on?" A girl asked.

"Randall is sick he can't go on as Jack for the final scene." Erin squealed. "He was able to drag himself through the first part of the show, but he can't go 30 seconds without puking his brains out."

"Where's the understudy?"

"He didn't show up tonight. I was going to just send a guy up on stage with a script, but nobody brought one, and nobody knows the lines." Erin said practically reeling.

"I know them." I said before thinking.

"What?" She asked.

"I know the lines." I stammered. I had been helping Ashley so much during the show with her lines that I guess I had picked up that role. However, I regretted saying it as everyone looked at me like I was crazy. Erin herself looked almost completely bewildered.

"I hate to ask this Spencer, but could you go up there for the final scene. We'll put a hat on you, the audience won't care, but we need someone to fill in." My heart caught in my throat as I shook my head.

"Please Spencer I wouldn't ask except we are desperate, please."

"No you don't understand I can't say those lines in front of all those people. What if I forget one? What if I trip on my face?"

"Spencer just relax. Go up there, say the lines, and get off. You'll be fine." She left, but came back quickly carrying a dark jacket and a baseball hat. She stuck my hair up into a bun and put on the hat as the other girls stuck the jacket on me. I caught a quick glimpse in the mirror and still didn't think that I looked anything like a boy. Erin said I looked fine, and dragged me out to the stage against my will. When it was my cue she practically shoved me out on stage.

The lights shone down very brightly and I could see the confusion on Ashley's face and hear the murmurs of wonder from the audience. It took an extra beat before I started talking.

"You're still here." I finally said, not even bothering to lower my voice. Once I said my line Ashley jumped back into character.

"Yes, but I don't know why. After what your friends said I don't know why I should ever go back." She said

"I went back and told them they could go to hell for what they said to you."

"Really?" She asked tears starting to form on her eyes.

"Yes, I told them if they couldn't accept you. Then they couldn't have me, because as far as I'm concerned you're my heart. I love you" I said almost forgetting about the audience in front of me.

"I love you too." She said whole heartedly. Then, taking a beat she looked out into the audience. "And then they kiss." I don't know if it was truthfulness of the words I had just spoken or if I had it in me the whole time, but at that moment I threw my worries to the wind. Without another pause I reached up to her and pulled her into a deep kiss to the whole audience's surprise.

We pulled apart after a few seconds and a realization that I had come out to a whole room of people began to dawn on me. Quickly Ashley grabbed my hand and held it tight as the lights went black signaling the end of the show. The audience began to clap and the rest of the cast ran out on stage to take our final bows.

As we exited the stage Ashley still held my hand. We walked hurriedly down the hallway, past the whispers of our classmates, and held out in her dressing room while the audience left.

"So what was that?" Ashley asked smiling.

"I don't know." I replied honestly. "I guess I got caught up in the moment. I don't regret it though." I said unable to stop smiling myself. "Ashley?"

"Yeah Spence"

"Promise me that no matter what happens you won't forget this."

"I don't think anyone will, that kiss was a little unexpected" She laughed.

"No, not that. I mean promise me you won't forget the way we are right now, you and me against the world." I said not even understanding what I was saying.

"It will never change." She said holding my chin delicately as she softly kissed me.

We got up hesitantly and left her dressing room. Making our way outside we saw that my family were the only people still on the premises. My mother had a disapproving look on her face, but my father and brothers seemed supportive enough. Glen spoke first.

"So you and Ashley?" He stammered unable to finish.

"Yeah"

"Which means that you're…?"

"Yeah" I said confidently.

"Okay then." He replied unable to conjure up any better questions. At this point I rather expected my mother to start yelling at me about the final scene, but to her credit she didn't.

"Ashley, you were very good tonight." Ashley sheepishly thanked her as the awkward silence consumed the whole group.

"Would you like to go with us to the airport? I'll get you a cab for the drive back." My mother nicely offered. Ashley agreed and after grabbing our things we headed to the airport.

The only way to describe waiting in that airport was like waiting in a hospital lobby. Everything is loud and hectic, with static wallpaper and carpet. As the time came for my family to enter the terminal she grabbed my hand. I waved my family off promising to be up in a minute. They left and she hugged me deeply.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you here." She whispered in my ear.

"It's just a couple of months I smiled, just until I graduate. I'll apply to UCLA, and I'll be back in no time. I've always wanted to live out here anyways. That is if you still want me?" I pleaded hoping for the right answer. She didn't even miss a beat.

"Um, yeah that will be just fine." She said tearing up. We hugged again and as I pulled to walk away she grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into one more toe curling kiss.

"Just so you don't get tempted by someone else" She smiled.

"Trust me that could never happen." I said honestly. I walked up the stairs toward the elevator as she waved me off. I tried to ignore the tears in both our eyes as we walked away.

I took mental photographs of this scene. I had never understood the notion of bittersweet until this very moment, and while the tears threatened to fall I held them back. I didn't want to ruin this moment. It was neither the finale, nor the end. Our goodbye was merely an intermission.

End


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